Unstoppable: Official Movie Trailer (Kirk Cameron, 2013)

Tragedy and Sadness

So being the new year I have been thinking a lot about goals and things to work on in my life this next year and I was talking to a friend about a tragedy that they had been through.  I think every time something bad happens to good people "why would God let this happen to someone that doesn't deserve this hurt and trial in their life,"  I've always had a great belief in God and that he has a plan for us and we only endure what we can handle.

I was browsing through Netflix the other night and came across a movie made by Kirk Cameron called "Unstoppable" and really left me feeling better about how much God loves us and is there for us.  If you believe in God and want your eyes opened to a new way of looking at why he gives us some of the sadness in our lives.  I would encourage you to watch this beautiful movie and look this topic through another set of eyes.  I would encourage my friends to check it out and let me know what they thought.  I will post a link to the trailer from you tube to give you a little sneak peek of the movie.

Been quiet toooo long

So going through our divorce, I have been decent and quiet about a lot on my mind.  I kept quiet that he got engaged to another woman while still married to me.  I kept quiet that he still asked me for money and I was stupid enough to give it to him.  I kept quiet how I really felt a lot during this time, however it has come to my attention that my rude selfishness is a problem for my ex's friends and family.  So here is what I have to say...

The fact that this man is trying to move on with his life is FINE BY ME!!!  I honestly wish happiness for the simple fact I don't have to take care of him anymore.  The problems i have are the fact that he has responsibility to take care of that he does not care to take care of.  We have a financial agreement which he signed and notarized that he is to pay so much to me monthly to help with financial obligations that WE OBTAINED TOGETHER.  Part of that obligation is mine and I am paying on it, however I cant get any money from him because he never has it.  There is always an excuse or a reason however I really don't care what the excuse is anymore.

It is not my fault that you cant manage your money and that you owe more than you make.  What I don't get is how a person can possibly owe so much money to so many creditors and the government and be OK with not paying it.  How is it OK to run up a bill, shut that bill off in your name and put it in someone else s name over and over again and think that is OK.  Yet I'm the one being selfish and an inconvenience for asking for the little amount a month to pay responsibilities?  Really??  You can go get new vehicles and move to new places and live beyond your means and I'm the bad guy for wanting to pay OUR bills?  Really???

I've been quiet and I have not said nearly what is on my mind but when I become the bitch for standing up for myself when responsibility needs to be taken, I AM DONE!!!  So to all you "friends and family" that want to talk shit about me and how i'm such a terrible ex wife I ask you to think of one thing....YOU DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY SO BUTT OUT!!!!  Maybe one day he will have the balls to take on his responsibility and actually pay me what is owed but am I holding my breath anymore?  NOPE!  I just feel bad for the new soon to be wife as she doesn't know the half of what she is getting into.

mixed

I want to wish Merry Christmas to everyone since I didn't post yesterday.  My sister and I just kind of laid around and relaxed for the day.  We had a nice Christmas chicken dinner and I put together and decorated a mini gingerbread village kit Ashley got me.  It was fun.

As we didn't spend the day with family we were still able to talk to them on the phone and some on the computer which was fun.  I miss them most during the holidays as they are the harder days for me to get through.  We also decided that we are going to start writing to soldiers who are serving and protecting for us.  I wrote 3 letters yesterday and am very excited to be doing this.

I am honestly not feeling well today.  My stomach is at odds with me and just making me feel miserable.  I am still dealing with the plugged ears but luckily I go see my doctor on Monday anyways so hope she can help me out with them.  Been taking medicine for it but not helping.  I have been more down today (no reason particular) just one of those days.  I feel a little mixed up and through comments of other (even though it wasn't intended to be) I feel like all I do sometimes is screw things up.  I know that I may make mistakes and while trying to help with something I sometimes mess it up but I try.  It will be OK but just not what I wanted to feel when not feeling well anyways.

Hope you are all having a great day and wish you a happy holiday season.

Merry Christmas Eve

So its Christmas Eve and it doesn't feel like it.  The year has gone by so fast and I cant believe it is already Christmas again.  Today my sister and I have to go to the store and we are going to pick up somethings to make a nice Christmas dinner tomorrow.  We are staying home for Christmas as we were just home for Thanksgiving and it is not in the budget to be able to get home.  We will make a good time of it.  We always have a good time together.  I love spending time with my sister as you never know what will happen.  LOL  It is always fun to watch Christmas movies and enjoy time together.

So i'm still feeling pretty crappy inside but I will be good.  It will take time for my medicine to fully kick in but will be better soon.  I have a positive attitude that things are going to be OK and that is what is important.

Christmas Fun

Fun Things I Made For Christmas 2014

Decorated some cute light bulbs for the Christmas Tree

made a gingerbread house 

was so much fun

was yummy to make too

Loved doing this!

Cry

I think sometimes a person gets so much emotion built up that the natural sense is to just cry.  But have you ever had the thought that maybe if you start to cry then you wont stop???  That's how I feel.  I feel so much overwhelming in my soul good and bad that I just am going to explode.  I'm having a lot of longing for the holidays and reminiscing of holidays past which are good but also at the same time makes me sad. I miss when times were so much easier and when I didn't have to worry about the weight of the world on my shoulders.  As I talked to my sister last night I started to cry and I could not turn it off.  As I lay in bed for a few hours I just cried about nothing really.  Is that possible?

This holiday season I have some friends and family that I worry about.  They have a lot going on inside them that is making life difficult and I want to just wrap my arms around them and hug them and tell them that it will be alright but then I think to myself will it? What will make it alright for them may be different than what I think of making it alright for me.  What I would do to make things better for them can actually make it worse for them and I may not even realize it.  I pray the spirit of the lord helps me when the time is right for me to help them to know what to say or do in order to make things better.  

I feel like i'm in a place where I'm not doing bad but i am sad and depressed.  I know that it is normal for me and that I am OK but I know if I tell people how I feel sometimes they take it the wrong way to mean that I am not OK.  I am OK and it is OK to be sad and depressed at times and I know this.  I know that in my journey with depression I will have times that are more difficult than others and that I don't always have to be happy to be OK.  

I can feel the withdrawal from my medicine within myself as I'm changing to new medicine.  I feel the pain inside as my body is being changed from one way of thinking to another.  My insides shake and tremors run through me as I feel sick inside and want to just do nothing but I know that will not help me right now.  I have been sleeping more the last few days as I am also battling physical sickness as well.  I need to watch myself to make sure that I am not falling into a bad spot by sleeping to much.  I am aware of this and am watching myself.  I am OK for now.  I know my sister must be tired of hearing me complain I don't feel good.  I really feel sometimes I need to just shut up and not complain but is that possible for someone to completely shut up and be happy when your screaming inside?  Good thing to think about.

I know that I am where I need to be in life even though things may not be smooth, I am able to continue on my journey of life to be the best person I can. I am worried about things right now that I can not control but I know that everything will work out in time.  I often wonder why I chose to take on all these challenges that i have and all I can think of is that I really am stronger than I know I am. 

Question of the Day:  What helps you cope?  Any words of advice?